That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
