So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
