Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Who died my cat blue again?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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