So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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