ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
