Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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