theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He did a backflip because drugs
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