could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
No subtext here. People are naked.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Randomize
