i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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