I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
