He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
