and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize