A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
