he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
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