VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
