I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
