how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
