im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
