M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
