It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
