I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
pray to the hookup gods
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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