I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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