Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize