Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
