it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
