Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Farmville is her only friend.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
