She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
