I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
