I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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