Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Well I just put wine in my tea
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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