What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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