What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
