He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
