Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
