i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
ok first of all what the fuck
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
