real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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