I cockslap morals
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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