At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize