I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
