i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
