Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
