More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize