it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
