I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
