Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
