you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize