I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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