Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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