so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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