God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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