she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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