U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
