We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
