never play flip cup with pint glasses
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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