I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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