Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize