fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
