So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
