I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
