There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
