Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
