i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize