these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
