things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
