The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
