Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
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