dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
