Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
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