She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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