she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
