Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
