An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
