her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize