3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
