Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Four minutes until I can fart!
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize