I think I won the penis lottery.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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