Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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