Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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