I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Randomize
