PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
