carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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