I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
