I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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