life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
