oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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