did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
