she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
