We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
birth control should be required to get into college
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
