That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
