Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
