I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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