Do you still have your period?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
