You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize