Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just threw up on my dentist
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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