If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
organizing the empties. That sober.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
