If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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