I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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