Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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