how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize