Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
