You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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