I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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