I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Just pee around me
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
