overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
So apparently I’m into choking now
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
