I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Why can't burritos get me drunk
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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