Having a random hookup so left but love u
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
