I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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