I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
